I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
