Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
