The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
