I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
