Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
