Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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