just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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