last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
