ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
