Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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