Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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