dude i'm inner monologue high
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ugly people sure do ruin things
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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