Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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