how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
