Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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