mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
