He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
