well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
