M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
