Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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