everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
