using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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