i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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