Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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