a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
