I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
