Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
