She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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