Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
