hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
