I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
