did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
