I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
