Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
