In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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