By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
