Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
