I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
