my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
