i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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