Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
