oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
