Whod you bang
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
