My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
