I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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