I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
