can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
