Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
