My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I wear drunk well.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
