new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
