i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
